November 96 Volume 1.0

The Turkey Times


The ridge. The dreaded ridge. Feared by all, but a hurdle that must be overcome if we were to be recognized as true desert warriors. So we did it.

Fearless did it; Iceman, Chicken Hawk, Gadget Man, Little Joe, One-eyed Jack, Kingfish, Footloose, and Lion all did it. Even Montego did it. But there was one of us that didn't even know that the ridge was a thing to be feared, and drove up it, drove halfway across it, and almost off one side of it. He never got nervous or even scared, but that was only because he didn't know where he was. A concerted effort by the Roughwheelers Cal-Trans Rejects Road Crew was successful in getting the giant Ram Charger back on the trail, through expert application of advanced winching and triangulated shock tow safety strapping techniques.

Before that, the group spent a few enjoyable hours exploring the upper reaches of Palm Wash and the lower reaches of Grave Wash. To be precise, only one of them did Grave. The younger Hallgren tried to stuff 5 feet of CJ5 into 4 feet of crack in the wall, with limited success. After much shoveling and picking, the crack was widened to allow passage with only minimal dirt smears on the sides (and only a couple of dents from the elder Hallgren).

The group managed to pick up the exact spot in Palm Wash where they entered it the previous day (see report Day + 2), to do further exploring. Cool hills and notchos were found, one in particular that required several tries by virtually everyone- except for Montego, who did it in one shot! The mighty Yellow Toyota Montego Tower soon resumed Montego-towing duties, though.

After lunch, a few more hills, and a delay caused by Wayne's locker making weird noises, the group headed back to camp for a well-deserved shower and refreshment

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Six large turkeys and associated taters, gravy, yams, assorted pies, and all the fixins' were devoured by over 50 Roughwheelers and guests at the annual Thanksgiving feast. The master chef, Toni Telenko and her chief assistant David, prepared a feast that was hailed as the absolute best one yet. While the feast would not have been a success without the assistance of the entire group, full credit has to be given to the Telenkos for their hard work, excellent planning, and superb cooking. Well Done !

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An invasion of assorted Montegoes was reported to have occurred recently in the Grave Wash area of the Anza-Borrego Desert. Other than causing a certain Yellow Toyota to wear out several tow straps, and large amounts of Turkey to disappear, no ill effects were reported, although there have been some reports of extensive firearms damage induced by one of them from using improper ammunition.

In a related incident, large amounts of local desert sand and dust are missing from certain trails. It is felt by certain knowledgeable people that the missing topsoil may be found on top of and within a CJ7 Montegomobile

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An unexplained surge in tequila consumption in the Anza-Borrego desert area has caused local stocks to disappear and prices have escalated accordingly.

Some experts in the field have attributed this shortage to a rowdy group of campers in Grave Wash, led in part by a particularly loud individual known only as Little Joe. He can be recognized by his strange habit of whacking his woman on the butt with a 2x4 and muttering something about 'checking for bees first'.


In a stunning upset, the team of Hughes and Graham won the finals of the Grave Wash Horseshoe Championship. Even such favorites as the Telenkos, the teams of Sandoval, Nelson, Marzullo, and Graham and Lamori eventually all fell to the mighty Fearless One-Eye team.

There were those present who thought that the game was fixed, since last season's winners were conspicuous in their absence. There will undoubtedly be many repercussions for months to come from the Old Guy team leader, but as they say, the last game is the game that counts.

The judges had only one comment, 'Try again next year- be there or forfeit'.

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The Macarena, or a very poor imitation of it, was danced on top of several flat decks that were being consumed by fire at the time. Despite reports to the contrary, it is not felt that this experience had anything to do with the recent shortage of tequila in the area. The usual miscreants were observed 'doing their thing', as were a couple of new trainees.
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In a repeat performance of the entertainment provided nine years ago, a Ginny Sandoval consumed large amounts of a bubbly type of adult beverage and kept the campfire awake until long after the normal end of festivities. This time however, she stayed awake the whole time. As usual, though, the next day did not dawn too early.

In a related story, the Marzullos celebrated their recent wedded bliss. Noteworthy in their behavior was the lack of entertainment as provided by the Sandovals, although the fact that they provided the Champagne certainly contributed to that entertainment.

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A local four-wheeler, known as the Lion, reported being struck forcefully by a potato, probably an Idaho White, which seemed to come from nowhere. The potato, which smelled strongly of hairspray, struck Mr. Lion in the left breast, which is the most sex he's had in a long time, he said. There were a couple of rowdies in the vicinity, but they were over 200 yards away at the time and could not possibly have launched a potato over such a distance and with such accuracy.

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Several dozen candles were observed on the hills surrounding the Roughwheelers campfire last Saturday night. Several more were seen to lead to certain romantic hideaways, even causing Ginny Sandoval to remark on how romantic they wre and how they put her ' in the mood', but we have it on reliable authority that she didn't 'get lucky' that night.

It was felt that such an endeavor could go a long ways to achieving such a goal, however, so plans were being made to repeat the show at Hi-Desert Roundup.