Well, as a self respecting Bronco, it,s time I finally said something on behalf of my cousins and myself. We go on month to month suffering in silence. This last so called “trip” to Pismo Dunes was really a doozy. My driver, who usually storms around flapping his arms like a Rooster, finally got me packed and going on Friday the 3rd around 2PM and drove me like crazy from LA to Pismo, getting there around 5:30 to find a number of my cousins already there. Wrangler and his driver and passenger were there – the way this guy drives, pretty soon he’ll need some spare Parts,man just to get anywhere. Then there was my little Yellow CJ5 cousin who had been towed there by our large cousin Suburban with his driver and passenger and a hairy subpassenger someone said looked like a Peanut. This driver always wants to know what are you doing, where are you going, and so on , they say he’s just curious, but I think he’s Snoopy. Also, my White CJ7 cousin was forced by his driver and two subpassengers to pull one of our distant relatives there. This relative is kind of strange; has no motor, shaped real square and they cook and sleep inside him. This driver never sleeps in a tent. When the other drivers tease him, he says he needs a warm place or he gets cold as Ice,man. Two other cousins came together also. The one who pulled White CJ5 was not quite as strange as the distant relative, at least he had a motor, but his driver did live inside him and always seemed to be playing with this and that Gadget,man.
Right off my driver throws everything out of me and with Wrangler and White CJ7 we go out and run around the dunes. What is the purpose of this, there aren’t even any roads? Finally they get tired of this and go back to camp. That evening while we are all cooling off, the drivers and passengers sit around some kind of heat source that is apparently maintained by feeding some organic substance called “wood” to it. Why not use gasoline like we do? That night more cousins arrive. One was my large cousin Ford F-250 with his driver and another hairy subpassenger. We all really relate to this subpassenger because his name is Sparky plug. F-250’s driver thinks nothing can stop him so he can leave his tires pumped up and usually ends up stuck in the Sand,man. With F-250 was a smaller brother called Ranger. Ranger’s driver and passenger were parents to F-250’s driver. F-250 also brought two friends, Blue CJ7 and Nissan truck. These two guys had drivers who were married to each other and had two subpassengers. The main driver has this idea that he is good looking and Handsome. They also had another hairy subpassenger named Mudpie. Does this mean it eats wet dirt? Another cousin was Orange CJ7 pulling one of White CJ7’s relative’s relatives(is this right?). Anyway, this poor guy was really bare boned. Not only did he not have a motor, but you couldn’t cook or eat in him either. He really wasn’t good for much except maybe to carry things. Orange CJ7 had a driver, a passenger and a subpassenger. The way this driver made Orange CJ7 pull that deformed relative, he should have been afraid it would tip over, but he was Fear,less.
Saturday morning another White w/Tan top CJ7 cousin came with his driver. His driver should have driven him there the night before, so everyone said he was lazy, but I think he was just Shiftless. Later we all played in the sand – up, down, left, right, in, out, over, under. F-250 got his big nose stuck down in a hole and lost his left front shoe. They said because I was the heaviest, I should pull him out. Does that mean they think I’m fat? Anyway, three jerks later and he is out. After we put air in his shoe we all go back to camp, where I decide to put on my sand shoes. After that,– nobody comes close—the dunes have a new master. That night more “wood” was consumed. All drivers, passengers and subpassengers took on fuel. They seem to do this 2 or 3 times a day even when they are not on empty.
Sunday morning disaster struck. I got very sick. I couldn’t keep running and seemed to just go to sleep and wake up with a jerk (the Rooster?) With all the bucking and jumping, I somehow damaged my radiator. Let me say right now that none of this was my fault. That driver of mine has fiddled and messed with me to the point that I hardly know who or what I am anymore. Anyway after a certain amount of ranting and raving (and idle threats), he finally made some repairs and adjustments and got me going again. Actually, I was looking forward to being towed by F-250 (he’s such a hunk), but it didn’t happen. Anyway, while I was sick, White w/Tan top CJ7 borrowed my sand shoes and said he really liked them and was impressing everyone. I hope he got athletes wheel! Also Sunday morning one of our Japanese cousins Toyota truck showed up with his driver, passenger, and subpassenger. His driver had brought one of a number of small deformed cousins called ATVs that were on the trip. He drove that thing like he was Hot, shot out of a cannon. That night one of White CJ7’s subpassengers tried to burn up the strange relative they had brought to live in, but he escaped destruction by self activating the fire extinguisher, although the subpassenger claims to have saved him. Do these strange relatives have insurance like we do?
Monday I hung around hoping to get towed by F-250, but my driver just kept loading up water. After a little welding job on the deformed ATV cousin who came with Toyota, we left around 3PM and sure enough, I drank three gallons of water but made it home without being towed (too bad). Now if my driver will just fix my wiring, learn how to adjust my fuel injection, and chain my engine down, I’ll be ready for the next goofy “trip”.